I have to say I was having issues using reddit on my browser, it was a simple html issue where I couldn’t break paragraphs, and I went to the support sub and they fixed it within 2 days.

I’ve had mods ban me for visiting, not commenting or posting, just viewing a post from another sub. I’m sure I got shadow banned plenty of times. I left because of the users. I disagreed that someone should Go No Contact with their dementia suffering grandpa for being racist and I felt like I was going crazy with the commenters who tore me a new one.

I stayed for while after because fuck, I’d been on reddit since it had r/all and not much else. I blocked out the one that got me to quit for good. I don’t even want to check back in for curiosities sake because fuck them. I wasn’t wrong in the slightest.

I just wrote my comment on this particular issue. I had a coworker complain that I made more than them and Boss tried to shame me for it.

Weirdly though I became the manager at my next place and had no problem sitting someone down and telling them why they weren’t making as much as their counterparts and when they’d get their scheduled raise and how they could improve and possibly get a bonus raise based purely on merit.

Some people get salty, some people rise to the occasion. The ones that rise to the occasion are dedicated, they’re receptive to constructive criticism and eager to show you they want to improve. It’s just as much a breathe of fresh air for me to see them so happy that they actually got a raise and I wasn’t just blowing smoke up their asses as it was for them to actually get a raise.

After two raises to two different people I had shown my owner that his money was being put to good use because we got long standing, dedicated employees that went above and beyond. He never questioned it again after that when I proposed a raise for a coworker. Good man, and a good team.

I’ve basically made a career out of serving and bartending. I took a 5 year break to do the stay at home mom thing but my first job getting back into it loved me at first.

It was a very interesting dynamic because it was my first job outside the city I grew up in but it was like riding a bike and I picked it up and immediately impressed them on the first night I was only supposed to be training.

Problem was was that they started firing my coworkers for the most questionable reasons. Then the trophy wife owner would show up to every court hearing for unemployment with forged signatures on their “policy handbook”. A lot of underhanded tactics were used. One of my very good friends was fired on his birthday.

But everytime they’d give me a raise to placate me so I wouldn’t leave. I could write a novel about that place because that’s how my mind works but I won’t.

Long story short, I responded to a server/bartender Facebook group at one point and mentioned my hourly for serving and for bartending. A coworker happen to see my comment and must have complained. (She couldn’t have ever earned the raises I got even if I got them on merit, but she’s a squeaky wheel and sits on a stool when her patrons need their beverages refreshed and plates cleared)

Boss lady made the mistake of messaging me that “it was agreed that you would not talk about your pay” which wasn’t true. She’d whisper to me that I got another raise but never actually said not to say anything, and also- you don’t get to dictate what I speak about on my own personal Facebook account.

I removed my comment just to unruffle feathers however I saved my boss’s message and linked her the exact federal/state article that forbids her from reprimanding me.

That’s when they tried to get me for minor shit. It was absolutely transparent what they were doing but I recorded everything and kept track of dates, times, incidents, message screenshots.

I saw the writing on the wall though and there was another place that had been wanting to poach me for a good while.

I was planning on fighting them earnestly for unemployment and take a month or two off before I started with the new place but they got desperate when their daytime bartender left so I got matching wages if I put my two weeks in and started ASAP so I did.

It was an absolute blessing. That next place treated me well and I was there for about 6 years until they closed their doors for good. Still miss them. I would have missed my old bosses too, if they didn’t try to do dirty the way they did because I genuinely loved them and I wish there wasn’t that bad blood. I don’t regret anything though. They brought it on themselves being so two faced and underhanded.

“If the shoe fits”… So maybe sit with your thoughts a bit longer to a logical conclusion instead of jumping to social media to dump your little thought vomit.

Man sketchers are awesome. I have a pair that I’ve re-bought consistently for years because they were the perfect fit, comfy, and were nondescript. Now they’ve discontinued them so I have to see if I can order them online.

I remember when I was kid though. We always had hands-down, goodwill, and k-mart clothes. But one of my Pop’s jobs was a janitor at the “rich” school district and he’d watch the lost and found box and wait for the shit he brought in to expire.

Once it was in the bin for more than a month it got “donated”. Half of that stuff went to the kids of the people that worked there. My brothers and I being some of them. So Pops scored me a pair of Air Nike when Jordan was at the height of his career.

Wouldn’t you know it? One dude on the play ground had to ask why I was wearing a Walmart T-shirt while wearing Nike shoes. Seriously, kids are fucking brutal.

I learned long before that that I was “poor” so I learned how to play it off and flipped the script. “Are you that superficial that you give a shit? It never even occurred to me to look at what you’re wearing but now that I am, all you are is a wigger” (slur for a wannabe in my era/location). He left me alone the rest of our school career.

I’m in my forties now but somewhere in my thirties he hit me up on Facebook and apologized for being a little shit. Turns out he had a bit of a crush on me and that’s how he showed it amongst other reasons. He was newly divorced when he reconnected with me so I had to turn him down (that the only reason you’re apologizing, dude?) but he was much nicer about everything this time.

Kids can be nasty but many of them grow up. Anytime you can stand up to adults in front of your kids it’s teaching them how to stand up to their own peers. Show them every example you can of how to handle what they’re dealing with. How you stand up to your family, friends, and peers, is how your kids learn how to do the same thing.

You can’t buy yourself out of bullying. Even rich kids get bullied. Confidence in yourself and empathy for others are a far better lesson to teach the next generation.

No matter what tricks and aids I use to help manage it all they still end up becoming too overwhelming that I phase them out.

Even trying to go get diagnosed was hard enough. I had to have my mother in law come with me to advocate for me because I can handle the first topic we start with and they (doctors) move on to the next when I’m not done with the first so that’s all I’m thinking about. They were consistently giving me Lexapro and scooting me out the door. Kthnxbye!!

My MIL came with ONCE and interrupted the doc the moment I got flustered. I didn’t even realize I was flustered yet but she did without even pointing it out. Even just her interjecting got me focused again. It was such a a breathe of fresh air. She just retired from 40 years in healthcare and she was my savior. She knew exactly what and how to do what I’d been trying to do for 20 years with no results. Not like a diagnosis helps much but it was still validating to finally have something to show for my efforts all these years.

I call my mom Ma, too. My kids call me Ma or Mama. It’s funny but we took in some stray cat brothers in one day and kept them. A couple months later I heard Maaa-aaaa Maaaama! But the kids were at school… The kittens had learned they could get my attention immediately by mimicking my kids and that first couple times I couldn’t tell the difference. To this day their meow sounds like 'maaaa"

Firstly I’m very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what that must feel like. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way because I doubt you’re as ‘gross’ as you think you are. (We’re our own worst enemies) But, what if you are gross? Why does it only matter to you that you think others would think so and not the other way around, as well?

Why not just embrace it for a bit and maybe encounter someone who adores your gross? What one person finds gross, another will love.

You have options.

A) You can seek out people to meet and date while thinking you’re gross and I can almost guarantee you your self esteem would be more of a turn off than anything that you may personally think is a turn off. Low confidence is a huge factor in attraction.

B) You can seek out people to meet and date while thinking you’re gross and you attract someone who preys on your low self esteem. They will encourage you to improve and the change will only be their image of improvement. It won’t be you. It won’t be authentic improvement. You’ll further lose yourself. Your validation and self worth will be wrapped up in a cycle of emotional abuse that will take just as long to recover from as your past loss did.

C) You can force yourself to embrace the idea that you’re gross anyway so why not find someone that is ok with that. Sort of a ‘come as you are’ mentality. Why change just so you can attract someone who’ll finally love what you pretend to be? Instead, rock up anywhere and just BAM, “Deal with it &$&-$&#&#'s. I’m here, love it or hate it”

Honestly, Hun. It’s just so unrealistic to think there aren’t going to be people out there that will not vibe with you no matter what you do. You could be a 10/10 celeb with all the money and there will always be someone out there that can criticize something about you. The beauty of the human condition is that we’re all so different yet we’re still all quite similar in that we all want to be accepted. It’s daunting but also exhilarating to accept that you will not please everyone, you will not be loved by everyone. You will not be everyone’s special snowflake. You are your own worst enemy if you think that’s ever possible.

D) You can go on a journey of self improvement. Why do you think you’re gross? Work small improvements into your routine that you, personally want to improve on. Tiny manageable habits at first, for example, getting a decent haircut and asking the stylist for a simple ways to maintain it and style it.

Setting a timer for 20 minutes and straightening up your living space. Every other day or three at first. Stop when the timer goes off if it burns you out or keep going if you’ve gotten in a groove. 20 minutes isn’t long so it’s not as daunting as planning a whole deep clean day that could overwhelm you. You can still get more than you expect accomplished it 20 minutes. Then over time you can increase that to 20 minutes every day or an hour every other day or so. Adjust it to your own personal ‘timer’.

However you go about that is up to you, the limitations of resources available to you and your own expectations of yourself. Those were only off the top of my head examples but I hope you understand what I’m trying to say.

Take time to identify that “why”. Why do you think you’re gross? What are the most simple baby steps you can take to improve them? Start small and work up from there when you meet your own expectations.

I will always tell you to go with © and (D) and blend to find your own happiness whether it’s with someone else or just yourself. C is a more realistic mentality to have in a world that forces unrealistic expectations on you. D will reinforce that mentality in the way that’s best and more realistic for you. Work to become the person you want to be and then shrug off your detractors and allow the rest of the world and anyone who likes you to meet you half way. When you find yourself attractive, when you are content even while you acknowledge your imperfections, you will attract people that want to be with who you are not what they want you to be.