No wonder JD wants to make porn illegal. I’m almost with him if it means me not getting Rickrolled with a gif of him fucking a loveseat
“It’s not a loveseat, okay?! It’s a couch! I don’t fuck loveseats!” - Vance, probably?
“It’s called making love when it’s a loveseat! It’s in the name!!! Also, ban porn NOW!”
– From The book “Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir Of a Family and Culture in Crisis” by author JD Vance
Removed by mod
Why are these people so fking creepy weird?
Well, we do live in the age of AI generated deepfake videos, don’t we? We could feed Jesse Watters’ unnatural curiosity, couldn’t we?
Well if politics doesn’t work out for JD there is always OnlyFans
OnlyFutons
What the fuck man i thought this was an onion article cause the headline is too good to be true
Fox News? More like Cocks News, am I right?
What’s the story of him fucking a couch? It’s one of the least problematic things about him.
I’m agree, but it is still funny. Anyway, apparently he wrote about it in his book?
He didn’t write about it, which is why this went viral, in a way. It was an online joke and some AP reporter searched his book for the word “couch” and wrote about it in a fact check to disprove that JD fucked a couch
He actually fucked a sofa
That isn’t funny and you shouldn’t make jokes like that.
It was a ❤️ loveseat ❤️.
That might be why they’re pushing this story.
Would it help if I filmed myself fucking a couch and put a deep fake over it?
Hmmm, I would have to see it first
It’s for the good of people my dude, rail that couch for democracy!
Can’t hurt!
Depends on the springs
Aunty: Oh Vance! My favorite nephew! Come in come in! Sit on the couch with me! What brings you here?
Vance: nobody likes me because I wear makeup like women do and I like to fuck the couch!
Aunty: well worry no more! You can stay with us for as long as you like! There’s just one thing I need to tell you about.
Vance: what is it?
Aunty: your uncle and I have a house policy where we don’t wear any clothes indoors. Is that okay? I’m sure if we talk to your uncle, we can agree to let you fuck a couch too!
Vance proceeds to get complete naked. Uncle comes into the scene and the aunty is already naked too.
Vance: hi uncle!
Uncle: well hello! I see you are getting used to the rules of the house!
Aunty: yes. He also would like it if he could fuck the couch when he feels the need.
Uncle: no problem!
Scene cuts to Vance taking a shower. For more on this please refer to your favorite pornhub show.
why did you write this?
you either write fanfic, and know how to shitpost, OR you consume a lot of porn, it’s one of the two.
I would go with the porn.
Is there a spitefic genre yet?
probably, i think that’s just fanfic though. Idk if there would be a specific genre lmao. I’d support it though.
Hey guys, it’s time to mature up and admit that Vance probably did not have sex with a couch.
He made love to it. Also, the couch was totally asking for it.
You know the couch was into it… When the couch doesn’t want it, nature has ways of just shutting all that down.
I heard the couch was dressed like a total loveseat, and wasn’t even wearing a cover.
Lets call it what it is, folks. It was rape. He raped that couch. Just because the couch had a suggestively placed throw, doesn’t make it OK.
It was totally consensual
-The couch
Too bad it wasn’t a bed because then we could talk about how short the bed skirt was.
The couch was asking for it, wearing that slip cover!
If the couch didn’t want fucked why was it wearing those sexy cushions?!!
Showing off it’s legs. Disgusting.
Stark difference in the immediate memes that came out about Harris vs Vance. Coconut tree is quirky, couch is weird.
Coconut tree is quirky, couch is weird.
Coconut Tree is Wine Mom trying to explain a legitimately profound idea she read in a book once in college.
Couch is Creepy Uncle trying to lure you into his shed.
It’s probably something she heard from a south Indian relative when she didn’t want to go to some family function.
Coconut tree is so 2020.
Any hacker group willing to recreate that one Black Mirror episode but with a couch instead of a pig?
Finally, a use case for AI that I can really get behind!
Kidding, please god no one deepfake that weirdo going to town on a totally innocent sofa. Fuckin nightmare fuel.
Rule 34, it’s already a thing.
Or rule 35
